At the beginning of a romantic relationship, it is easy to feel emotionally vulnerable, especially if there has been some experience in the past that has left emotional wounds and suffering.
Questions like “will they still reject me?” or “am I doing something wrong?” they are quite common in the case of little experience or bad experiences.
Insecurity in relationships: seeing problems where there are none
In general, when we are insecure in the face of a situation (of any kind) or different situations, we do nothing but add complications because we see problems that are not there. We are like the dog that bites its tail because the insecurity will intensify more and more and the imagination will eventually blow up the situation.
The fact is that insecurity prompts us to find signs that things will go wrong, even the most insignificant or trivial details. And, of course, we find what we’re looking for, even if it doesn’t really exist.
Tips to stop feeling insecure in a relationship
What can we do to overcome these insecurities to live a relationship without destroying it for unfounded reasons? Below we will give you some tips.
1. Don’t misrepresent reality with your imagination
Self-punishment and negative memories from the past can play tricks. Constantly re-creating something that has happened in the past or that could happen can confuse us as to what is really going on. It is precisely this effort to continually imagine what could happen if the past repeats itself or if things go one way instead of another that confuses us.
Many times this insecurity is based on what it might be, not from an actual experience, but from distant experiences that we have witnessed or, even worse, from the education we have received about what a relationship should be like. Generalized ideas based on the experiences of others, a point of view that does not necessarily have to coincide with ours.
The next time you feel insecure, ask yourself if something really happened or if you figured it all out and it’s just guesswork. You must learn to distinguish imagination and reality and filter your relationship based on previous experiences or social and cultural stereotypes.
2. Don’t fall into the trap of certainty
Relationships aren’t exactly what they should be, as everyone thinks. But falling into the trap of certainty – that things should be a certain way – increases insecurity when something happens.
When things are not as we believe they should be, we lose control because we are unable to honestly filter what we see, letting our imaginations wander freely.
You need to relax in case of uncertainty, try not to control everything, and give yourself the opportunity to get to know the other person and get to know yourself in a new relationship. Just imagine and want to define, hold on to an imagined life, live for real, enjoy it!
3. Give your partner his space
The foundations of a relationship require the collaboration of both partners, you do not have the right to expect that everything is as you want or that your partner lives the relationship according to rules that you have imposed unilaterally, with the sole purpose to feel safe.
Trust and respect must be earned little by little and the same goes for love. The fact that you have found a partner you are comfortable with does not mean that everything has been said and the cards are all already on the table.
The relationship must grow. Like a newly planted seed that needs the soil to be soft enough to allow water and oxygen to pass through, the same is true for relationships. If you are too suffocating, it is not that it will die, but it will never fully grow.
4. Just “read minds”
This is a problem that affects many interpersonal relationships, not just those of a couple. We believe we know what the other person is thinking and act accordingly. But, since we don’t bother asking her what the problem is or, if we do, we do it in a threatening tone, we act as if the problem is certain to us.
Again, this is imagination and confuses reality.
5. Stop making comparisons with other relationships (yours and others)
All this insecurity you feel comes from previous experiences and stereotypical ideas based on how things should be.
You need to get rid of all these traps and start giving your relationship (s) the opportunity to grow freely. If you don’t leave your past behind, you will have no future.
Your priority is to enjoy your relationship
If your relationship is going to last, only time will tell. So, stop acting like your world is about to vanish if you don’t rush to find a partner and live your life.