We realize that emotional addiction is a problem when we experience it closely or are subject to it. Especially when it is related to real or possible suffering. Can you educate to avoid emotional addiction? Can we prevent toxic relationships starting from education?
The human being is dependent, he is born with the need to depend. Despite this, avoiding emotional dependence is possible because it is a psychological state . It is a source of unease for those who experience it. Since we are social beings, we need each other; we seek contact, cooperation and exchange, we unite and build, but this is not always the case. Sometimes we join someone and, even if this relationship destroys us, we feel the need to keep it.
Who told you that you are only half of the apple?
Means of communication, games, out of place questions, folk tales, traditions, poorly thought out advice, etc. They leave no room for doubt: we must establish a love relationship in order to feel complete. What if it isn’t so?
It is no secret that we live in a society that, in a more or less conscious way, fosters relationships based on addiction. This, however, overshadows the meaning of couple relationships, that is, sharing and becoming a unitary whole for the pleasure of doing it and not for necessity. Unfortunately, we have a tendency to avoid emotional dependence only in certain situations, particularly when we are suffering, have suffered or see the people we love suffering.
The role of education to avoid emotional dependence
The patterns and experiences we observe in childhood serve as benchmarks for dealing with the world and relationships. A child who has not received love is likely to suffer from this lack as an adult. He may continue to seek affection, but he will probably do so in an inappropriate way. Conversely, children who grow up with parents who know how to control, manage and talk about their emotions will be much more adept in the affective field.
Educating to avoid emotional dependence, as well as healthy, is possible. It is unrealistic to expect children to become independent adults without help. When a newborn is born, the addiction is total. Nevertheless, the education he will gradually receive will allow him to become independent.
How to educate to avoid emotional dependence?
Psychoanalyst John Bowlby formulated attachment theory to explain the emotional bond between the infant and the parents. This author states that in childhood a certain type of attachment begins to form, which then continues throughout life. One thing is certain: the type of bond that is established between the baby and its reference figure is very important, because it will form the basis for its emotional development.
P ROMOTING healthy un’attaccamento during childhood will be the key to avoiding toxic relationships based on dependence. Children will learn to explore the world and its complexities on their own and will realize that this is compatible with the perception of love, trust and security that comes from parents.
How to raise resilient children
Here are some tips for raising resilient children and avoiding emotional addiction:
- Show affection. Expressing love for children with affectionate words and gestures makes them feel loved. Only in this way will they be able to explore in peace, will they know they have a refuge where they can find protection in case they need it.
- Express emotions. Expressing how we feel and why will help children be more empathetic. In this way they will understand that emotions are human. Nothing happens if they feel sad or angry, recognizing what they are feeling will help them develop greater self-knowledge. In addition, they will be able to manage their behavior better. Despite what has been thought for decades, success and failure do not depend on intellectual abilities, but on emotional intelligence.
- To be available. There is no point in spending a lot of time with children if we don’t play with them and if we don’t pay attention to their needs. Children must feel that their parents are always there, even if they are not physically present. They must feel that they are attentive to their needs.
How to raise independent children
Here are some tips for raising independent children and avoiding emotional addiction:
- Promote autonomy and the ability to make decisions. Encouraging children to make their own decisions allows them to have confidence in themselves. Stimulating their curiosity and providing them with the tools they need to solve their problems will make them feel more capable and confident.
- Offer security and trust. Rewarding their progress and supporting their projects will allow children to develop a positive image of themselves. It’s how we allow them to feel competent. Let us accompany them in their falls and give them the necessary confidence to try again. We will increase in them feelings such as constancy and perseverance.
- Take care of yourself. We must not neglect ourselves to take care of others, it is good to try and transmit this balance. In this way we will show the little ones that they, first, have to take care of themselves. It is not difficult to observe parents who systematically give up recreational activities or moments for themselves, indeed sometimes even feelings of guilt arise. Leisure is not incompatible with being good parents, it is essential to become aware of it. Several studies have shown that the emotional dependence of parents towards their children causes negative effects, which are difficult to reverse.
Let’s start with ourselves
It must be understood that educators are the direct example for children. Leading by example is very important. To educate emotionally independent children, it is important to teach them to know, love and value themselves. But we have to do it first, let’s get to know each other, love each other and value each other. This is perhaps a good time to remember that we are not half of anything. We are complete beings. Starting from this idea we could teach the difference between need and love. Thus, complete, we will be freer.