Extreme Kindness: A Way To Hurt Ourselves

Extreme kindness: a way to hurt ourselves

There are two types of people: some show extreme kindness, lightening our burden as we live; others, on the other hand, are like stones in our path and complicate our life. Each of us chooses which people to have next to and which to move away to avoid tripping.

Have you ever wondered why there are people with extreme kindness? Always willing to help us? What motivates them to assist us even when we don’t ask them for help? These are people who have made kindness their flag and are always willing to lend a hand.

We might think that kindness is always good as it helps maintain our well-being. However, it is not when it oversteps boundaries and leads to acting kindly in all circumstances. In this case it is toxic kindness, a form of servility whereby we forget ourselves in order to be attentive to the needs of others.

Extreme kindness when we unsubscribe

Sometimes we give so much to others that we stop thinking about ourselves. Think of the typical situation in which a mother goes to great lengths for the welfare of her children and cares so much for them that she ignores his needs.

It does not mean that doing something for others is wrong. It is, however, to focus only on others. Thus, there are situations in which we want to please others because perhaps they ask for our help or because we believe they need us and we offer to make them feel good at any cost.

Pensive woman

Even if you don’t believe it, extreme kindness can be harmful. Sometimes, in fact, we don’t leave room for others to do what they want because we anticipate them. We focus too much on what they need and forget about our needs.

In this way we cancel ourselves, we begin to become invisible due to our own actions. Being always attentive to the needs of others, our needs take a back seat. It is a way to trample on us, to take away our value.

Unable to say “no” due to extreme kindness

It can also happen that we place a very high value on kindness. So, since we believe we have to be kind, we don’t set limits and always say “yes” to everything. We are willing to do whatever is asked of us to be considered good people.

What’s wrong with that? If it does not create discomfort, nothing. Let’s say, though, that to be kind you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation? Are you willing to face a situation that makes you feel bad just to be nice?

Many times we fall into this trap. We believe that being a good person means accepting everything that is asked of us. This way we please others and stay on good terms with them. And U.S? No extreme is good. You can be kind by setting limits so that we don’t step on our needs or let others do it.

Disadvantages of toxic kindness

Toxic kindness attracts a number of obstacles for us and those around us. The disadvantages that can arise if we show excessive kindness are:

  • Insecurity
  • Low self-esteem.
  • Poor self-knowledge
  • Less authentic relationships.
  • Feed the guilt.
  • Greater dependence in relationships.
  • Greater anxiety.
  • More need the approval of others.
Sad girl due to excessive kindness

These are just some of the disadvantages of toxic kindness. It is like being in a vicious circle in which we forget ourselves. The value we give to ourselves grows more and more and we establish relationships that can make us suffer, since we always look after the needs of others

When others are not around, we don’t know what to do, because everything we do is for others. We begin to struggle even to be alone.

Strategies to stop showing extreme kindness

Although extreme kindness does become part of us, there are various ways to be kind in a healthier way. We need to give ourselves the value we deserve and rely on healthier and more authentic relationships.

  • Set yourself limits. Let others know how far they can go. Tell them what bothers you, what you are not willing to do, what makes you uncomfortable, etc.
  • Say goodbye to guilt. Sometimes you have to say “no”. Stop feeling guilty for not doing a favor or not always being available to others. You don’t have to, and that doesn’t mean you will stop being kind. On the contrary, it means that you too consider yourselves important.
  • Make a list of priorities. You can continue to be there for others without setting yourself aside. Get organized and decide what are the most important things in your life. So you will know how much time you can devote to others and at what times you can be with them.
  • Know yourself. This way you will know what you like and it will be easier to prioritize and limit others. You will understand your feelings and thoughts better and you will understand why you struggle to pay attention to yourself.

It’s about worrying about us. It will not be very complicated, in fact if you already know how to treat others very well, surely you can also do it with yourself. Don’t forget that kindness is important, but in the right measure.

Showing extreme kindness to others leads to self-neglect. To achieve the right amount of kindness, you need to trust yourself and value yourself. Only if you appreciate yourself will you understand that no one deserves to be more important than you.

Plus, keep in mind that no matter how  good  your intentions are, someone may take advantage of your extreme kindness. This is because they know they will get what they want as you always say “yes”. Focus on yourself and set limits. Your power is within you.

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