We are human beings who are part of a society that we have not chosen, a society in which songs tell of the love between two people, of how much we need each other in a couple relationship and the idyll of being. together. In the cartoons the princes save the princesses from the dragons to become THEIR queens, as if it were mandatory that the two become one. But where does FREEDOM, independence, individual projects fit in?
You can own a house, a phone, a computer, or even a pet, but not a person. The human being belongs to himself, to the universe and to his experiences. Nobody has the right to take away our individuality and clip our wings.
How to survive “romantic” relationships
In the last two hundred years, a romantic concept of love has spread, that of completing oneself, of being one and of making each other person’s day unique just by having them next to them.
We know a person and it all seems wonderful, the first few months is all new, every gesture, every word, every place. We don’t want to part with this person for any reason in the world, we start creating a dynamic two, when before it was just us. It’s wonderful, but time passes and the dynamics are in danger of becoming necessity, so that everything we do without a partner is interpreted as selfishness.
And this is where the mistake lies. We must be rational enough in the irrationality of love not to lose our freedom, to be aware that individual activities, the same friends and moments of solitude are nothing more than the air that the comet of love needs to fly further in. as high as possible.
Conversation is the best way to support independence
In order to sustain independence, healthy and functional communication is essential. It shouldn’t be a problem to inform your partner of your plans. It is not healthy to think about how to negotiate something we like to do, as if it were a trick. The couple relationship is not a compromise, it must be a source of trust and understanding in which to pour the best of both.
When we talk to the partner, we must take into account that we are not only talking with him / her, we are talking with him / her, but also with his / her life experience. It is good that at this point two attitudes come into play. On the one hand, we must understand that the partner must adapt to us, because perhaps in the past he / she has experienced experiences that now make him / her distrustful and fearful. On the other hand, to understand that in front of us there is not our past, but a new person who will give us a new future that will be splendid for both of us.
Enjoying each other’s company, sharing moments of quality and freedom
We find the greatest form of freedom when we are grateful for the time the other person gives us. In this way, we can value the person next to us and every gesture towards us, without thinking that it is something “due” or that it is obliged to do so because it is what society expects from its role as partner.
In conclusion, it would be good to remember that in the couple space is vital, both personal and shared. In fact, it is likely that by preserving the personal, confidential one, the shared one is also enriched. Missing, needing the other person or having time to reflect are examples of activities that can give a lot to the relationship and that are complicated to complete if we spend every single moment with the partner.