How To Recognize And Treat A Manipulator

How to recognize and treat a manipulator

There are people who are able to consciously change the behavior of those around them, in order to benefit from them. Their actions, however, affect others (family, friends, colleagues, etc.) and it is good to know their profile, so as not to fall into their trap. The ideal would be to be able to keep still and be happy even when we find ourselves having to deal with a manipulator, but sometimes the best choice is to take a step back and keep away from them.

The line between a person asking for help and one manipulating the other to take advantage of it is very thin indeed. In the second case, the person sees the other as an object, a commodity, a thing, a resource to be exploited. Manipulators are selfish people and use different methods to attract others, for example by fueling their hopes. But they can also go so far as to use lies or pressure to get something.

There are several reasons why a man or woman becomes manipulative. For example, out of comfort, fear, or a desire to succeed. They prefer the shortest route, lies, promises they won’t keep, blackmail, etc. They bypass obstacles to achieve success with ease. “Do not always be so correct”, “nobody will notice”, “if you do this we will finish first” , are some of their favorite phrases.

These are some of the clues that can help you recognize a manipulator:

1. Lies: manipulators are very good at lying, real experts . They can twist reality and twist the omelette so that it always looks right. Listen to them carefully to see that they lie to everyone, from their partner to the priest, from a customer to a shop assistant. And, if you point it out, he’ll certainly blame the unfortunate guy on duty.

2. Hiding things : This can be personal information, such as their address or phone number, or evasive responses when they have to answer about their actions, thoughts, opinions, etc. Still, they will want to know everything about you, from your loved ones to your work. The best may even be able to make you confess secrets, without you realizing it.

3. Praise : This is one of the most interesting skills of manipulators. They know how to do it very well. He will find what makes you feel special and he will be able to earn your trust. But don’t be confused by those who praise you easily, if you don’t know them well, because often they won’t be disinterested compliments.

4. The promises : they are among their favorite weapons. For example, if it is a man who has just met a woman, he will promise her that he wants a stable relationship, a family, that he wants to travel the world, etc. That’s exactly how they start getting closer to you. Be careful, as the emotional and psychological damage could be devastating.

5. The favors : in the beginning, the manipulator usually helps you in everything, as if it were his compulsive quality, which he cannot do without. It will please you, it will help you, it will accompany you home, it will help you if something breaks, etc. But wait, because he will ask you for something in return sooner or later, it is his strategy. Their gifts and favors are never 100% selfless, free or in demand.

6. Your emotions : This is another of the weapons used by an experienced manipulator. Feelings, in fact, when they are intense do not allow us to act or think clearly. Manipulators will use fear to guilt to force others to do something for them. “Look what you’ve done”, “I’ve never treated you like this”, “why didn’t you call me? “. They can also intimidate you with statements like “don’t even try”, “you’ll never make it “, etc.

7. Living in the shadows : not only do they keep their personal information well hidden, but they also manage to disappear completely and hide in the dark to better analyze their victim . They might also use other people to get information about their prey. They are not honest, transparent or responsible people. Out of nowhere, gossip or slander will start raining upon you, trapping people in their assumptions, exaggerating the facts, adding a “personal” touch to each story, etc.

Remember to be careful when some of these clues are repeated. It doesn’t mean that because a girl you met the day before tells you she really likes your dress, she’s a manipulator. Nor that your colleague who never tells you anything about his personal life is. But if this behavior is constant, it’s best to start distancing yourself from this person. Sooner or later, in fact, he will be able to make you do what he wants, even to turn you against unknown people or your loved ones.

If you have discovered that there is a manipulator in your circle (of family, friends, comrades, colleagues, acquaintances, etc.), protect the people who could turn into his victims . Keep your distance, even if it might cost you effort. Try never to bother him, you don’t know how he might react.

The most likely thing is that you have to get away from this person forever. If you are confident enough with him / her, you can also advise him to seek professional help. If he denies admitting that he has a problem or treats you badly when you bring it up, don’t put pressure on him. We can all mature and change over time but, before we can, we must learn to accept the help of those who offer it to us.

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