It doesn’t matter what your parents did and didn’t do in the past. In the present, you are in charge of your life. You are responsible for what you are building for yourself, for the family you are giving life to, for your self-love, for the hugs you give yourself, for the warmth of affection you feel for yourself and those around you.
Of course, it’s true: what happens in childhood, adolescence and even adulthood with one’s parents will affect us for life. However, this does not exempt us from the responsibility we have over our life and emotions. The present is the ideal time to purify your past and detoxify your love life.
If the cold of paternal affection is still eligible, then it’s time to cover yourself up and turn on the stove. Apologies and grudges do not allow you to live and build a warm refuge within yourself.
Because a house, a shelter is warmth and constantly living with an education full of gaps does nothing but transform your affective ego into an icy igloo. You can’t go on if you haven’t healed your wounds, if you haven’t put aside your sharp knives.
Healing the wounds of a dysfunctional childhood legacy
Some more or less, all have elements of toxicity in their childhood. In some cases the negative things weigh more than the positive ones and, therefore, the family turns into a network of complex relationships, ties and twisted and ambivalent feelings.
There are paternal and maternal figures who are synonymous with joy, identity, union, loyalty, respect, love and fidelity. The elaboration of ties with our parents far from this ideal, on the other hand, transforms us into seething cauldrons, which are the basis of complex and harmful dynamics.
Perhaps, at a superficial glance, we seem calm; in reality, deep down, we hide the real antagonistic forces that struggle to undermine our beliefs, our values and our feelings towards the world and towards ourselves.
During childhood, the family represents our reality and our point of reference, so it is not surprising that we have a tendency to repeat certain models, even though they are dysfunctional.
Parents are human beings and, as such, they make mistakes. However, the pain caused in the child remains alive. In this regard, just as we boldly affirm that we must learn from our mistakes, we can also do it starting from the mistakes made by our parents.
Those who have not had the good fortune to grow up in a perfectly functional family must do a double job to make themselves strong and appreciate the feeling of love and respect for themselves and those around them. To do this, it is very useful to be able to count on the guidance of a professional in mental hygiene, who can help the subject to open the ways of communication with himself.
Self-destructive and punishing behaviors towards others must be reviewed and rejected by our present ego, which is made up of an adult ego and the ability to deliberate on the ability to self-realize.
Awakening in us the idea that we are worthy of love and that we can offer ourselves security and unconditional affection is essential to heal the wounds that parents have left in the child within us.
“Childhood is destiny”, Freud would say; what is certain is that we cannot live helplessly all our life with the excuse of having had a complex childhood, far from idyllic. We have to internalize the message that it doesn’t matter what our relationships with our parents were like: the prospects for our future are up to us.
This point implies a very ambitious challenge, because it requires a great willpower to carry out an inner work and reject the judgments with which our parents have fed (or have undernourished) our self-esteem.
Feeling important and deserving of happiness and love is a fundamental pillar of your ability to develop in life. To do this, you must be very empathetic with yourself, thereby recognizing the right to live your life as you wish.