In times of stress, loneliness is positive, while it is more negative than ever when we finally want to talk and our doubts pile up. When we would like to give voice to what we need, to what we want and want, to our most foolish whims, and there is no one next to us. We invoke the presence of someone because neither the sofa, nor the blanket, nor the ice cream in the tub, too cold, are a lifesaver. We tried to confront them, but no one gave clarity to our questions.
So let’s look at the contact list on our cell phone and think about who to call, who to let off steam with. As the names appear, the answers also appear. For most of them, we can guess what they will tell us, of others we already know that they will not answer us, that they will not have time to share a hot coffee or that they will not listen to us mentally making the list of clothes to take to the laundry.
I talk to you to listen to me
I tell you so that you give me warmth, so that you understand that I am going through a bad time. So that you know that this makes me so angry, that it makes me so angry that I would like to cry secretly and curl up in the sheets even if it is sunny outside. I don’t need you to tell me “I told you so”, I already know that you, as you are smart, would never have put yourself in this situation.
But you do not have my fears, my demons, my hopes and my qualities, these elements are all personal and non-transferable, you are not the commander of my life. I am me, even if sometimes I deny this essence of mine and would like to throw it out the window. Don’t take me for a fool: even if I have a moody character, I don’t play with the important things, on the contrary I get very serious with them. I never would have done this if I hadn’t thought it represented the best for my goals, even though I ended up in the dilemma that is now causing my tears.
I don’t need your reproaches, I already have a personal “Jiminy Cricket” that I can’t shut up even by threatening him heavily: he screams so loud that it’s impossible to ignore him. He is persistent, stubborn, tireless. It is clear that he was born by me. And don’t laugh, it’s not funny. If you think that this way you can play down the facts, you are wrong: you do nothing but make me feel insignificant, when I already feel stupid enough.
I don’t want to know what you would do
I don’t even want to know what you would do in my place, this is not a conclave to find solutions. At least not before you assure me that you have listened to me, that you have put yourself in my shoes and that you are willing to take on the burden that comes with it. After that, maybe you can help me evaluate the options, but without feeling like a protagonist.
And don’t think I’ll follow your advice just because I’ve been wrong in the past. This fact does not make your criterion more valid than mine, do not forget that I have always accepted responsibility for what happened or what happens. These are independent decisions. Yes, you may have to witness my mistakes again, but am I not doing the same to you?
Hug me. Now it seems that I have to tell you everything you must and must not do, sorry, it is not so, this is only the product of my state of mind. But you can hug me anyway, it will calm me down a lot. And since you’ve been carrying my weight for a while, go back to your seat and tell me what’s bothering you, what’s bothering you, and if you’re hungry. Besides, I’ve got some ice cream left over, do you want it?