Much of the difficulties arise from the bonds to which we remain attached and by which we are overwhelmed, it can be a couple relationship, addiction to parents or a past fact that does not stop haunting us. Maybe it’s addiction to a substance or a behavior. What is certain is that we know that we are linked to a chain that we believe we cannot do without and which, at the same time, we hate.
Is this also your case? There are moments of light when you finally decide to take the final step. Because the situation has become unbearable or because you have discovered the need to feel free, thanks to psychotherapy, reading or something new that has happened to you in life.
No, you think it is an easy undertaking. After the resolution, there is a sea of doubts, contradictions and losses. Nobody will release doves to the wind to celebrate your path to freedom, the bells will not ring in every square in your honor. What is certain, however, is that getting rid of the chains is a courageous and extraordinary act for which you will receive a far more precious reward than all possible gifts: freedom.
The following are ten steps or phases that you will go through if you decide to take the path to liberation.
Losing some friends
Without realizing it, you have cultivated friendships that help you carry the chain or that reinforce the idea that this bond is necessary. These friends are the first to disappear when you make the decision to free yourself. They will question your decision and invite you to reconsider. If they don’t get what they want, they will walk away from you. And from that moment on, they will no longer have a place in your life.
Feeling confused all the time
Don’t believe that a transcendental decision is made in a moment of total clarity. On the contrary, what reigns is confusion. You will find thousands of arguments in favor of your freedom, but also thousands of arguments against your decision. The human being by nature is reluctant to change and confusion is part of these processes.
Show moments of sadness
While it may seem strange to you, losing the problem you have long been accustomed to will involve a painful process. As if you lost a loved one. These chains are part of you and their absence triggers a feeling of emptiness and pain. Getting rid of something, even if it hurts, is never a reason for happiness at first.
All you will do is talk about this. You will be repetitive and it will seem that you cannot think of anything else. More than one interlocutor will point out how maddening you are with your obsession. Don’t worry, this is normal.
Receive demotivating messages
Since in the beginning you will not give signals of the liberation you have undertaken, more than one person will approach you to try to show you the futility of your task. Don’t listen to them. Your attitude puts them in their chains and more than seeking your well-being, they are trying to hide their lack of determination.
Doubting one’s abilities
At various times you will think that you cannot handle the situation. Perhaps you were wrong in setting yourself a challenge for which you may not have the right skills. Take it as part of the liberation process and move on.
There will be a time when, almost imperceptibly, you will begin to change your habits. Maybe you will go to different places or meet new people. Maybe you could start a new business or find a new pastime. It means that you are close to your freedom.
Worry more about yourself
You will find that changing something about your appearance or finally taking that trip you so desired has turned out to be a good idea. You may now have a better diet and can say “yes” or “no” more confidently. You will feel that you appreciate yourself more than before.
Knowing that there is no going back
You will learn to value the effort that has brought about the change and you will have the certainty, beyond any doubt, that you are not willing to go back. This new form of freedom will give you a feeling of fullness that you will not be willing to trade and lose for anything in the world. You did it!
Image courtesy of D. Sharon Pruitt.