When Having Good Intentions Doesn’t Help

When having good intentions doesn't help

Sometimes saying “it’s the thought that matters” isn’t enough. Being willing to help someone can cause problems… but how? What am I just trying to help ?!

Perhaps it happened to you that you wanted to help someone or a person tried to assist you and the results were not what you hoped for. Sometimes others (and ourselves) push in the opposite direction.

The people we love most are the ones who want to help us the most, in general terms. However, sometimes this strength doesn’t help us, because it doesn’t get us where we wanted to go.

Does this mean that relatives and friends are bad people? Obviously not! They believe they are doing you a favor when in reality they are “sinking” you.

I’ll give you some advice, ” says your mother. ” You have to do this, ” says your father. ” Why don’t you work like me?”  asks your cousin. “ When you have more experience, you will understand it, ” says your grandmother.

When everyone around us starts making judgments about our life, they do so because they try to help us. But at what price? How do we act like everyone tells us? Where does what we want to do reside? 

If we get carried away by external opinions, even if “they are just trying to help ”, we run the risk of losing our balance,  of not knowing where we are headed, or what we want to achieve. If we add to this that sometimes we are not very sure of ourselves, the problem will be worse because we will succumb to the pressure.

feet tied by a rope

It is impossible to make everyone happy, brand this concept in focus. Those who love you will say that they want to help you, but in reality it is possible that they want to deposit their frustrations in you or try to change you to shape you as they please.

The fact of wanting to help the other, without taking into account his real needs, can be extended to many areas.

For example, your partner said he is going to make dinner today, don’t worry about a thing. Instead of sitting on the sofa watching television while your sweetheart finishes the blessed dinner, you get up every second and go to “inspect” what he is doing: “Do you want me to peel the potatoes?” “,” In the meantime I wash the pots “,” set the table? “.

“Come on, I told you to stay on the sofa and that I want to make you a good dinner because you deserve it after working all day.”

Why is it so hard not to try to help? You may have the best of intentions, but you are only managing to make your partner feel worthless,  not being able to cook dinner or, worst of all, making it clear that you must always have everything under control.

“I just wanted to help”… The best way to do this is to sit on the couch watching the TV show, but if you just can’t resist the temptation to help, you can take a bath or go for a walk. Upon your return, dinner will be ready and you will have a wonderful evening. It wasn’t that hard, was it?

man balancing on a wire

What to do to help and “do not disturb”?

It’s not about stopping giving advice, much less staying with your arms folded when someone needs help,  but knowing when is the right time to give our opinion or help out. A simple sentence like, for example, “ If you want, I’ll tell you what I think, you decide” or a simple question like “ do you need me to help you”? ”Are vital to not intrude too much into the lives of others.

We must not press the other and help him without considering whether he really needs it. It is true that there are very proud people who do not ask for help, but perhaps if you find a way to analyze their reactions or attitudes, you can understand when they might want your support.

In case someone intrudes on your life too much and wants to “help” you all the time,  tell them you appreciate their concern and intentions, value their advice, and then go through all your options before making your own decision. 

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