In one of his sonnets, the poet and playwright Miguel Hernández wrote “When I am alone, I am really me”. It is a simple yet fascinating phrase, which comes from a writer eager to convey the melancholy and beauty of the loneliness he was drunk with.
Simple but melancholy things calm the spirit even to the most skeptical, to those who are already tired of everything and everyone. For me, this sentence is one of the greatest truths ever. I think the author wanted to express the feeling of feeling better in the company of his beloved and of feeling himself when he was alone.
Either way, giving readers the freedom to interpret a text is one of the greatest pleasures of writers. Even if it is a short sentence and with few words, it can still give a great idea; in this case, that of the intimate, authentic and unparalleled pleasure that many people experience in solitude.
I am alone, but I do not feel alone
People who love solitude tend to be generous with those around them. They know that the company does not imply orders or impositions. Those who love solitude ask for less explanation and are more loving with their company. Just as these people don’t ask for what they know they can’t expect, they suggest others to do this same personal work.
There is no unchosen loneliness, there are only necessary loneliness when the company no longer compensates. There is no worse feeling than feeling alone when surrounded by people. In this case, what one has inside is expressed only forcibly, after which nothing remains but an uncomfortable and annoying malaise.
I’ve always preferred to be alone rather than feel alone despite being surrounded by people. It seems like a really bad feeling to me. I believe that every day we can count on a battery of limited energies; if we waste them with those who don’t deserve it, we will end up lacking strength when we really want or need it.
For this reason, I say that I am alone, but I do not feel alone. I can be alone in many ways, but I don’t feel alone at all. I am surrounded by my presence and my company and I think this is not bad at all.
It seems incredible to me to find even one person in a million with whom to share the reflection that perhaps, at times, is distorted by my loneliness. I love to surround myself with people who do not leave me alone, because with them I am authentic, accompanied, enriched.
When I am alone, I am really me, even if I can’t stand myself even in my solitude
Sometimes I get up sad or in a bad mood, like all human beings in this world. They often tell us that we absolutely must seek companionship rather than being angry or sad with ourselves. I happened to follow this advice, but I found it unsatisfactory.
I believe that no one should feel guilty because they want to be alone when they are sad. There are too many sad people who are serving someone else’s pains, so I don’t think staying in company at all costs and escaping from (apparently) terrible loneliness is better.
There are people for whom attacking, shouting, hurting, hitting, insulting or lying is not serious; they believe that this is the gist of life and relationships, that this is the spice of existence. And then there are others, like me, who prefer to stay more neutral, and bring out that extra pinch of salt when a relationship deserves it.
However, care must be taken not to confuse being comfortable in solitude with refusing contact with others. We are neither schizophrenic, nor paranoid, nor asocial. We have simply accepted what life has been repeating to us for some time, we have grasped its message: we prefer a company that makes us feel happy, but we don’t need it to be happy.
We are probably considered by many to be weird, demanding or childish. We still react innocently to the contradictions of the world and we don’t like to be the first to do all the things that “should be done”. We remain to observe and when our turn comes, we do things right, without impositions, without the need to feel bound or supervised.
When I am alone, I am really me, because no one understands me as I do, no one delights in my company as I do. When I am alone, I do not feel the worst version of myself, although sometimes I see nothing but pain, but I do not feel their weight on other people. This is the exquisite pleasure of being able to be alone and choose to be when I want.