When no partner satisfies us, the problem is most likely not down to the people with whom we fail to be in a relationship. In reality, there are so many factors at play, and most of the time it is not about anything serious, but perfectly solvable situations.
It is good to know that everything in life, including romantic love, involves some degree of dissatisfaction. In fact, it is a sentiment common to the vast majority of people. The problem is that we often seek that perfection that has little to do with human reality.
We all would like to live an ideal reality where everything fits perfectly and where everything is harmonious. However, it is one of the many wishes that are impossible to achieve and to which it is good to dedicate a reflection. But then, what to do when no partner satisfies us?
When no partner satisfies us: idealized love
Our ideal of love is likely to be too high, making it impossible to find a person who embodies it perfectly. Overestimating romantic love produces such high expectations that no human being can fulfill.
The relationship as a couple, as well as work, family, friendships, etc., leaves gaps, causes annoying situations and does not always meet our expectations. On the other hand, we are not perfect partners either, even if we may think we are.
The most important thing in a relationship is to make sure that the balance sheet is often positive, perhaps with an edge, but don’t deny that there are negative aspects.
Chronic dissatisfaction is a very common trait in contemporary society. We are driven to want more, to have more, to be more, rather than to value what we have, who we are and what we want. This is only positive when it results in a push towards growth.
On the contrary, perennial dissatisfaction can turn into stagnant energy, which blocks and impedes personal growth. It arises from insecurity or a lack of self-esteem.
Without realizing it, we project our dissatisfaction onto the partner and it is precisely the awareness of his defects that prevents the relationship from having a future.
When we are depressed, no partner satisfies us
Depression is a multi-faceted state. It does not always manifest itself with the typical sadness, feelings of disinterest and low energy levels. When no partner satisfies us, this can also be due to the mood, which does not allow us to appreciate the positive aspects in others.
The depressed person does not have sufficient resources to love. And if it is a hidden depression, it can manifest itself as an inability to feel a true interest not just in another human being, but in almost everything that happens around him.
But there is also the “smiling depression”, in which there is a strong ambition, a lot of energy, but also a great difficulty in enjoying life.
A lack of evolution
When no partner satisfies us, it is also possible that deep down we feel we want to stop growing. It is a common feeling in adolescents, who feel they are both independent adults and lost children. If this stage of life is not elaborated and integrated, it can re-emerge in adulthood in the form of impossible expectations of the partner.
For example, the partner is expected to “take care” of us. And that he does it unconditionally, just like a mother or father would do. This alone would provide real satisfaction.
But the moment the partner doesn’t take charge of this kind of “adoption”, then he becomes the wrong person. It always happens like this.
When no partner satisfies us: external pressures
There are hyper-demanding contexts that are impossible to satisfy that promote models or ideals of the couple, putting pressure on them to materialize. This occurs mainly in families, but it can also affect work environments, social classes, ethnic groups, etc.
In such conditions, no partner can be truly satisfying, as it does not allow to respect external expectations. In fact, you are not looking for a partner, but a “profile” that adapts to the required needs.
Ultimately, if no partner satisfies us, perhaps it is time to stop and ask ourselves what happens. Perhaps we are depriving ourselves of precious experiences to run after unrealistic fantasies or we are trapped in personal limitations that we are not fully aware of.